She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
