Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
