hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
