my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
There r osticjed everywhere
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
