Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
