just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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