did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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