so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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