Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
