you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
