Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
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You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
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His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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