Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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