I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize