He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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