I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
