it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
