Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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