I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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