Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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