So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
