I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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