Best friends brother. Beat that.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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