Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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