Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
