the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
We need to rekindle our bromance
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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