I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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