No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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