maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
