I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
