Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
