New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
