I wish I could teleport
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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