Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
