11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i was born a porn star she said
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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