Michael Bay diarrhea
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
