she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
