You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
