The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he thought i was a dude.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
