Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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