Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
