she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
