I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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