Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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