definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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