Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
