forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
