I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Alive.
So much puke
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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