Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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