Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
