Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I could make wine with my vomit
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
