Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
