walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Actions speak louder than pants.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
