Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I don't deserve a penis
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Randomize
