And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
