Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
