I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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