tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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