Jerry, you need to find god
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
