Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
