So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
