i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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