all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize