you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
