Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
